I'm terrified and excited to return to the United States- a true mix of all emotions. The hardest part is recognizing that I will probably never again live in Mexico. Every return I will be a tourist, rather than a local. I will no longer feel the rhythm of the country and have my life here. I worry about the transition back to the US but I'm extremely fortunate that my closest friends and family are waiting for me with arms wide open.
The first few weeks I'll spend in Austin, Texas, visiting with two of my best friends that have also recently returned from extended stays in Latin America. In Austin I look forward to reconnecting in person (after years of skype) with my friends, running on Town Lake, visiting my favorite parts of the University of Texas campus, going out dancing to hip-hop (oh, how I've missed that), and beginning the adjustment back to the US. After that I will go to my parents' place in Cleveland, Ohio where I really look forward to adjusting to taking walks through the snowy woods with my mom, going to the gym with my dad, cooking a lot for both of them, playing with my kitten that has been fostered by them for the past several years, and of course, doing my extensive job search.
So, as I walk the streets this past week, I am trying desperately to savor every moment. The beautiful colonial buildings that I have come to see as everyday architecture, I am now trying to remember the zeal I felt when I first saw these magnificent structures. My frequent trips to the market to buy the freshest and cheapest produce I've had in my life, are now practically spiritual. My landlord's kids are now like younger cousins and we laugh, play and tease each other like family. And the last few moments that I'm spending with friends I'm realizing that I won't have this daily interaction with the same people. Things are going to change drastically. So, I decided to write a short list, in no particular order, of some of the things I will miss about my life in Mexico.
1. Markets. Since food is the most important material thing to me I have been in heaven since the beginning. A trip to the market is social, interactive and vibrantly colorful. Aside from my house, markets are my favorite space in Mexico.
2. Seasons. In the United States we measure our seasons with temperature, in Mexico it is with vegetables and fruit. I have seen the cycles of nature in this way and I actually enjoy knowing I cannot get a mango right now, but there are plenty of cactus pears.
3. Spanish. I love communicating constantly in Spanish. I'll miss the moments of success and the times of struggling to communicate.
4. Lupe. She is the woman that works in the candy store beneath my apartment. One of the strongest women I have met here, yet humble and kind. In a country where I have often found it difficult to find assertive, yet kind women, she indirectly reminded me that my version of the "strong women" needs to be more flexible.
5. Noise. I know this is insane. For anyone that has been in Latin America the noises are intense and constant. I've woken up at 3:30am to fire crackers, the sounds of honking horns seep into my apartment from 8am to 10pm, vendors yell there monotonous sales pitch, the whistle of camotes and platano macho, the public school in my neighborhood that has the National Anthem playing daily, the incessant church bells calling the faithful to mass at every hour, and the sound of silence of my apartment when I returned from where ever I came.
6. Tacos. It is communal, social, delicious, cheap and convenient. When I was talking to my mom recently about how much I'll miss Mexico she said she still gets cravings for the cactus paddy and potato tacos we ate everyday for breakfast in Mexico City.
7. Lunches with Rebecca. For the past 6 months I have spent nearly everyday with my friend Rebecca, eating, going over the day's events, discussing future possibilities, lamenting our troubles. She has been part therapy and part comedy. She was often the first person I called to run an errand with me and the someone that I knew understood the struggles that are experienced living in Puebla.
8. Skype. I believe most genius comes from Danish. Legos, the band Aqua, Hans Christian Andersen and of course, www.skype.com. This has been my link to my friends and family back home in a country that often is touted for having the most expensive telecommunication rates.
9. My apartment. I couldn't have lived in a lovelier place. See my blog for the entry on my house. www.raquelitasmexico.blogspot
10. Geo, Gema and Luis. My landlord's kids took me in as family since the beginning. I have begun teaching them English twice a week and always looked forward to seeing them, laughing with them and acting like a kid again. From Twister to Christmas carols, having a fake camp-out and making s'mores to answering their many questions that began with, "In the United States do the children....?" I plan on calling them often and staying in close contact.
11. CAT. My second placement through the Lutheran Church and Solidarity Center, the Centro de Apoyo al Trabajador. This is really where I accomplished my two initial goals- improving my Spanish and learning the ins-and-outs of organizing in Mexico. The CAT accepted me as one of their own from the beginning. I often struggled with my relationships and perspective of how the organization did its work, but ultimately this is how I experienced "Mexico profundo"- the real Mexico. I know with them I'll always have someone to come back to in Mexico.
12. Chile. As I write my mouth is tender for the jicama, lime and chile snack I just finished. I now eat my carrots, tomatoes, mangos and sometimes even ice cream with powdered chile. Probably one of the worst things I could have done to my stomach lining is move to Mexico.
13. Dia de los Muertos. My favorite Mexican holiday. The already colorful country becomes an intense color wheel with sugar skulls, Catrinas, marigolds and papel picado (tissue paper flags with designs cut out from them). This is my favorite time of year.
14. Ellie. My roommate in Mexico City with whom I explored the first of Mexico, laughed hysterically daily, discussed our frustrations and our hopes in Mexico.
15. Mexico City. People call it ugly, a cesspool, dirty, dangerous. I call it wonderful. It is one of my favorite cities on earth and home to my naive days of loving Mexico without abandon or critique. It is hip, exciting, friendly, energetic and intense.
16. Casa Escandon. My house in Mexico City with a roof terrace and view of the city. There, Ellie and I spent nights eating fried plantains with cream, and watching our neighborhood stir. The kitchen was my second home, and listening to Bacilos' "El Edificio" seemed like listening to a song written specifically for us.
17. Cooking. It has become my manual therapy. When I'm stressed, sad or lonely, I cook. I will miss the time and ingredients I have available in order to make this a hobby and leisure activity, instead of a chore.
18. Popocatepetl. One of the three volcanoes, and the only active one, that frame the valley of Puebla. In the spring, when the rains come, it is nearly half covered with snow. I have spent many a days staring at its magnificence and beauty. So often I could be in a terribly depressed mood, and would randomly catch a glance of it from a bus window or a street with low buildings, and it would fill me with such admiration. I am truly lucky to have lived in this valley.
19. Mexicans. Mexicans are some of the friendliest people I have ever met. I constantly think how will I continue what I've learned from the Mexican people. I often struggle between finding myself within the culture, and losing myself in it. But I am always amazed with their tolerance, patience and hospitality with me. I sincerely hope that I can continue working with, specifically, Mexicans in the United States, so that I don't feel like I have lost my Mexico altogether. I have learned and seen their struggle as they live within a difficult reality that they often feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the change needed, but also content with the rhythm of their lives. I'll never be able to say I ever felt Mexican or thought I could assimilate well enough, but I can say I hope to take all the good I can from Mexico's people, and sustain it in my life ahead.
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